(A melodic or harmonic configuration that creates a sense of repose or resolution.)

"But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the mercy of God for ever and ever." - Psalms 52:8

Sunday, January 13, 2008

dusting the soles of my feet

i've done nothing but try and try and try to keep some relationships going, but i sense it is time to just say 'oh, screw it'.

it's been an observation i've had for a while already, but you know, christians cause me more pain and heartache than non-secular folk.

of course i also know i've caused some people to question my faith in God. i am sorry, i was wrong then, but won't u forgive me now? it's been more than two years. if you can't forgive me, well... i don't know. i want to be angry, but i know it's wrong.

however, it is wrong for you guys to be victimizing me, and i just really want to say i've had enough! sometimes i really question why i bother trying to rebuild something with people who despise me and sneer at me at every turn. do you even realize that's what you are doing?
it's enough, really.

friendships, relationships; they're all two-way streets. if you can't be bothered to call, if you can't be bothered to edify conversations between us, and if you can't be bothered to be nice to my boyfriend...
i see no reason to wish to hang out with you at all.

you're just being nasty... and i know i am not the one in the wrong this time.

it felt good mentally saying goodbye to a family that i've held close to my heart for a long time, till recently events have proven that, well, i'm not welcome. *shrug*

and i actually can feel God prodding me to leave it be, and not try so hard to salvage these relationships because it's just tearing me down.

ahhh... i guess i'll be dusting my shoes and walking away now.

this saddens me, but i refuse to be unhappy because of old accusations that keep going around, you know?

i refuse to be unhappy.


edit: even though some things above still ring true, i had just received a call from said person above to meet up!

haha, talk about God's impeccable timing. i bet He was like, 'oh no that viv of mine is about to do something stupid - HALT!!!!'

i am quite warmed by the thought.


i know my relationship with alvin did not start off well. it started off terribly in fact, with my disobedience and my selfishness, a lot of hiding from people and dating when we shouldn't have.

whether you believe me or not, we have repented.

if you still want to feel unjustified for weiyi, if you want to put me down because i did something in the PAST that was not righteous by your standards, i'd like you to recall the many times you've done something wrong and the times i've stuck by you as a friend.

and if you insist on your attitude towards me and my man, i'd have you know that i fully believe that God will bless this love, even if you think otherwise, and even if you WISH otherwise (i hope not because you'd be really evil at heart to wish me and alvin ill).

yes, there is a love between us that was built on Godly foundations, even though it started off on the worst grounds possible.

but you know, shit is sometimes the best fertilizer on which the most beautiful flowers grow.


i don't hate you, and i will be cordial when we speak to each other. but please change your attitude; i don't deserve this crap anymore.

there's no need to ask me about this; ask me if i was talking about you, i'd say no. just reflect and think if you've been treating me less than a friend and decide if you want to change your attitude towards me.


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