(A melodic or harmonic configuration that creates a sense of repose or resolution.)

"But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the mercy of God for ever and ever." - Psalms 52:8

Monday, September 21, 2009


i come from an average family. i don't earn a lot, my mom doesn't earn a lot, and neither does my dad. so every month, i give my family $600 a month, and save $400.

when my parents opened our bank accounts, they gave us 10k each to start us off when we started work in the future.

but due to the lack of funds, i had to dip my hands into that 10k to last me through university. it paid for my books, travel, my allowance. that 10k only lasted 2 years. the next two years i worked during the holidays and gave tuition so i could stop asking my mom for money.

but of course, i had friends who organized overseas trips every once in a while. i could never go anywhere except KL, all of two times. everytime i mustered up the courage to try asking my parents to fund me, they gave me a 'can't you be more sensible?' remark or it'll end up in a squabble. eventually, the only trips i took were guilt trips.

now that i'm working, i keep trying and trying to save money so that i can get married because i no longer have that 10k. it's not easy, but i'm slowly getting there. i'm in charge of my finances, and together with alvin, we will have enough for a small ceremony.

then my mom comes in and says she wants 10 tables despite me telling her that alvin and i will be footing the entire bill. it's extremely frustrating because... let me show you how our conversation just goes in circles:

mum: i want 10 tables.
me: what? that's 10k mummy. 10k of me and alvin's money.
mum: that's the guy's problem.
me: ?? what guy? i'm paying for the banquet. me and alvin. not alvin's parents... there's no such thing anymore.
mum: that's the guy's problem what.
mum: i'll let the guy side settle that.

*breathes* ok, so whatever. if my mom really wants it, maybe for face reasons or whatever 'earning back from rearing a daughter' (i feel like a prized farm animal.) she can take those 10 tables. she can't hear me, it's ok.

then i walk out and hear my brother talking to my mom about going to korea. wait, they're funding him? it's almost 2k for just the ticket, right? and hasn't he already gone to hongkong twice, all funded by us?

suddenly i understand. we're obviously rich enough to fund adrean's trips. that 10k in his bank... i see... that money is for him to travel while he's not earning anything. to me it's like, i save and scrimp to give you money (despite the fact that i'm getting married and losing 10k) so WE CAN USE THE MONEY FOR LEISURELY THINGS.

i'm done giving you anymore money. besides, the 10k next year in october will more than make up for it.

and don't give me crap like 'don't get married if you don't have the money'. didn't all my money go to you?

sometimes, i really wonder if i'm loved.


adrean i'm not angry with you. i just think it's extremely unfair. and as your older sister i've really had enough.


  • At Tuesday, September 22, 2009 10:49:00 AM, OpenID ourperfectgift said…

    Totally understand how this feels. The older generation thinks differently about the tables thingy.

    However, from another point of view, practically, your parents may have been attending the weddings of friends and relatives and given red packets as well. So, this is the time where they also receive their "payback" from friends and relatives, not really because they are "selling you away" :)

    God bless you and may he make a way for you! :)


  • At Tuesday, September 22, 2009 11:30:00 AM, Blogger feline said…

    i know dear... thanks for reasoning this out with me. it's not the 10 tables, but a matter of a breakdown in communication with the folks. sigh. i couldn't even say good morning to my mum this morning.

  • At Tuesday, September 22, 2009 4:12:00 PM, Blogger * j a c q u e l i n e * said…

    I totally understand.. well, somehow, I've learnt to live with bias-ity in life. but am glad I'm through it. Not all the way though, maybe half way through, but.. at least, not stuck behind.
    One of the ways I thank God for, is that I hv the ability to do many things, w/o just sitting there, open my mouth and stretch out my hand.
    Be of good cheer, at least, you do have the habit to say good morning to your mum. It feels weird to say good morning to anyone in my family. Even if i say " Night, I'm going to sleep", I will either be ignored or will seem weird =)


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