the girl who's lost her motivation

i called my prof to ask if i could place his name down as a referral in my application for a particular Masters scholarship.

his answer? "sure! but i know the people handling these applications, and your CAP is really too low... it's possible that just by looking at your CAP they will chuck out the application. i need to let you know ok?"

i knew that already. but i just wanted to try anyway.

hearing his words, i was filled with regret. regret that i slacked off in 3rd year, where my only opportunity to pull up my CAP to a 2nd upper was totally wasted.

you know, when i first started uni, i told myself that i need to do well. no more regretting not studying enough when i get my grades back. no more regret viv!!

but i forgot where my drive came from. i forgot i told myself i didn't want to regret anymore.

so now, i am likely to graduate with a 2nd lower. with shitloads of regret following me.