The trials of a first time gamer

i have never gamed before in my entire 28 (nearing 29) years of life.

so this morning when i told alvin, yeah sure get me on SWTOR (Star Wars The Old Republic), i wasn't really sure what I was thinking. i might have turned to SWTOR as a rebound from a very sad and disappointing installation of The Sims 3 (gawd, that poor resolution!).















disc 1, disc 2, disc 3 - dude, will my non-gamer friendly laptop be able to take this much pretty? got lightsaber fights, u know?

roughly an hour later, alvin came out from his shell (the master bedroom MASTER COMPUTERRR), logged into his swtor account on my laptop, and gave me his alternate character to 'play-play, have a feel'.

i watched the intro again. the full thing. and not as a wife watching over her husband's shoulder,

THIS INTRO IS FOR ME.

i felt invincible. omg, i was gonna be like Satele Shan and be all fiesty etc, and smack. the. shit. out of all those Siths. double lightsaber - GET!

i created my character. i knew i wanted someone hot, but didn't know i had a penchant for blindfolds. but the way they described her... using the Force to feel her way around; i don't know - it called out to me. and being a noob, i'd also like a handicap i guess...

'why did you run into that tree for?!'
'dude, i'm BLIND.'



















ok character customization - done. intro for Jedi Knight - done. loading... loading...

loading...

i got distracted staring at the glowing blue bar and turned around to talk to alvin. minutes later, i realized i've been staring at the same blue bar - at the bottom it said 'press spacebar to continue'.

mildly embarrassed, i went, 'OH SHIT I'M SUCH AN IDIOT IT'S BEEN READY FOR LIKE, 10 MINUTES HARHAR' and hit the spacebar.

this is it guys. i'm going in.

i land on some planet and speak to some dude. man, he sounds holier than thou. maybe i should've been Sith. *grumble*

then he sends me on a mission.

A MISSION!!! what?! the conversation is over?

PANIC LEVEL SHOOTS FROM 0 TO 10. WHAT DO I DO. WHERE DO I GO. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BUTTONS ON THE SCREEN WHERE ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS. I AM HYPERVENTILATING. MY CHARACTER IS GOING TO GET KILLED THE MOMENT SHE MOVES, I JUST KNOW IT.

alvin must have been watching me because he runs over from the sofa and presses WASD for directions, and shows me how to use the map. i panic a little less. panic level 7.

WHEE SO FUN WE FLY IN A SPEED RIDER THINGIE! to the battlefield. where we're getting attacked by Fleshraiders (WHAT ARE THEY?! WHERE ARE THE EWOKS??) panic level back to 10. possibly 11.

'what do i do dear?! how to hit - can i shoot from far far away plsplsplsplsplspls i scared he BITE ME OMG'

at this point, alvin is really biting back his mirth as he coos & tries to explain how to attack. he killed 7 out of 10 Fleshraiders for me to gain XP. left 3 behind for me to try my hand on.

i put my fingers on my EXTREMELY foreign feeling laptop and tried to run.

i ran straight into a wall. 'u mean i can't climb?? OI WHAT IS THIS.'

i went near to a Fleshraider and he it spots me. i whacked him one time on the head with my lightsaber AND THEN IT STARTS SHOOTING AT ME OMG WHERE IS MY HEALTH BAR WHERE AM I GOING WILL I DIE GO AWAY GO AWAY

i found myself running away from the attack screaming in real life (ARGH ARGH) while alvin finally lost composure and outright laughed at me.

totally reminds me of the time i got attacked by pigs in New Zealand, screaming for alvin to help me while he just doubled over in laughter.

hatez.

ALVIN STOP LAUGHING YOU SHITHEAD WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. i ran back into the fight and killed that freaking Fleshraider because it embarrassed me in front of the love of my life, and then i killed another 2 more using my second attack (alvin kept shouting 'press 2! press 2!' 'YAR I AM TRYING ARGH ARGH')

after some flurry, XP GAINED!

my Sith master (alvin's an in-game Sith) gave me a few more pointers (you can bind here. you can sell things here. you get new quests here. can buy medical supplies here. *point*point*)

then i shooed him away. I AM INVINCIBLE NOW I JUST KILLED 3 FLESHRAIDERS HAHAH

I'M ON MY OWN NOW.

i get on with my quest (whee! i have two!) and followed the first arrow leading me to main mission.

30 seconds later, i got killed. :(((((((((((((

i should probably avoid the hordes, yo. back to base. try again!

along the way:

'ALVINNNNNN CAN I PICK THE - '
'no.'
'- MUSHrooms... eh how you know. then why are they glowing?'

i tried to interact with the mushrooms anyway. nothing. me has a sad.

'ALVINNN CAN I CLIMB TREES'
'no.'
'buuuuuuu.'

'bebbie i'm lost. T_T i cannot find the people i am supposed to look forrrrr...'
'sigh.'

i alvin found Satele Shan and i was rude to her. :D

then i went to nap for 2 hours (IRL) because i was tired out from the fear of Fleshraider hordes and what. a. steep. learning. curve! MAN!

i am getting my own account now. be sociable again in a few months, guys.