family?

well, back to school.

the work's really piling up now that's it's the 4th week. i am beginning to drown, watch out! many tests are flooding in... (and i'm only taking 4 modules. can die already!)

i don't know how i'm gonna survive 4th year.

aiyah, still in the holiday mood. was watching 'honey' on hbo (finally.) and i think... i don't want the dvd after all. (there u go, breathe your sigh of relief) it was good to watch it again though the tv gave me a headache. think i'll skip scrubs and actually finish up planning for children's cell.

at the leader's meeting yesterday, everything was unexpected. i thought it was just for the people in the same network as me, but no, it was for all youthnet leaders! and of course, i was looking out for... xxx. (i swear, my neck's getting longer)

ANYWAY! even the message was odd. there wasn't really a full blown message (a la mini-service?) but it was more like a short message + knowing how the leaders in the church are repositioning. to put it simply, 2 pastors stepped down (nooooo handsome pastor... + wife) and 2 others stepped up to complete the 12.

one thing i noted was pastor julie saying that there's absolutely no need to explain the repositioning to anyone, and WHY the 2 pastors were stepping down... simply because it really doesn't concern us. it caught my attention because right then, running through my mind was 'woah, why they step down, did they do something disgraceful, is it disciplinary action etc'

if pastor julie hadn't said that, i'm sure there would've been a flurry of discussion and gossiping. which is, of course, not good. and i can think of plenty of occasions when something big happened in church and everyone started to question and question, then start gossiping... and eventually the poison spread. even into cell groups. my cell group.

but that's another story i'm not willing to share, coz then it'd be gossiping. what to do, what to do...

anyway, i thought the whole repositioning 'ceremony' went well; as a church we prayed for the 4 pastors who were stepping down/up. i can't remember what exactly was said, but i know my mind wandered into thinking that, hey, this is my family. and so is my cell.

ok i've reached a block. will continue writing when i find my point backkk.

(2 minutes later)

you know, one thing about family is that while u love the people, sometimes when something goes wrong u need to tell them, and maybe scold them. i guess in my cell, it's one thing we lack. we have the ability to have fun, and spend a good time together, but i guess it's superficial coz there're only 2 people in my cell (amongst the 10 of us) i know if i have a problem with them, i can tell them. i used to have 3, but... never mind.

well, i don't know why i just typed what i did, but my heart feels a little heavy now.

sometimes i just want to have all the time in the world to sort out all the problems with me, with my friends, with my family, and spend the rest of my life just caring for people, being able to make it for outings with ALL my friends and doing things that made people around me happy. and blessed.

but somehow i can't. i can't find the time, i can't find the energy... i just can't.

ARGH. i feel like i'm all alone sometimes. especially after december. but i guess this has to happen or i'd never learn to stand up on my own two feet and deal with it.

kampateh. (haha, private joke.)

well, time for some counselling.