from CarrollBlog

The Effort
by Billy Collins

Would anyone care to join me
in flicking a few pebbles in the direction
of teachers who are fond of asking the question:
"What is the poet trying to say?"

as if Thomas Hardy and Emily Dickinson
had struggled but ultimately failed in their efforts—
inarticulate wretches that they were,
biting their pens and staring out the window for a clue.

Yes, it seems that Whitman, Amy Lowell
and the rest could only try and fail
but we in Mrs. Parker's third-period English class
here at Springfield High will succeed

with the help of these study questions
in saying what the poor poet could not,
and we will get all this done before
that orgy of egg salad and tuna fish known as lunch.

Tonight, however, I am the one trying
to say what it is this absence means,
the two of us sleeping and waking under different roofs.
The image of this vase of cut flowers,

not from our garden, is no help.
And the same goes for the single plate,
the solitary lamp, and the weather that presses its face
against these new windows--the drizzle and the
morning frost.

So I will leave it up to Mrs. Parker,
who is tapping a piece of chalk against the blackboard,
and her students—a few with their hands up,
others slouching with their caps on backwards—

to figure out what it is I am trying to say
about this place where I find myself
and to do it before the noon bell rings
and that whirlwind of meatloaf is unleashed

headphones

my headphones.

i use them to drown you out. and them. and all my issues.

---

I don't have to hear it, if I don't want to
I can drown this out, pull the curtains down on you
It's a heavy world, it's too much for me to care
If I close my eyes, it's not there

With my headphones on, with my headphones on
With my headphones on, with my headphones on

We watch television...but the sound is something else
Just a song played against the drama,
so the hurt is never felt
I take in the war-fires, and I'm
chilled by the current events
it's so hopeless, but there's a pop song in my

Headphones on, in my headphones on
With my headphones on, with my headphones on

With my headphones on, with my headphones on
With my headphones on, with my headphones on

At the Tube Stop, you sit down across from me
(I can see you looking back at me)
I think I know you
By the sad eyes that I see
I want to tell you (It's a heavy world)
Everything will be okay
You wouldn't hear it (I don't want to have to hear it)
So we go our separate ways...

With our headphones on, with our headphones on
With our headphones on, with our headphones on

I don't wanna be the one who tries to figure it out
I don't need another reason I should care about you
You don't want to know my story
You don't want to own my pain
Living in a heavy, heavy world
And there's a pop song in my head
I don't want to have to hear it

---

you should always only allow yourself to hide for awhile.

finally, i have pictures!!

OF MY ENGAGEMENT RING!!! (excuse my fat fingers.)

i love how classic its side profile looks:







you know, sometimes i just sit in the office and glance at my ring... then i tilt my hand slowly from side to side and get mesmerized by the lights bouncing off the diamond.

it's rather hypnotic.

new togs i've bought in the span of 3 days.

THE MANGO SALE IS HERE AGAIN!! XD

butt hugging - i like:



*whiplash!* - i love catwoman. alvin, i don't know why i told you it was batgirl. rather blind of me... anyways! i have 2 comic lady shirts now! i'll add this to my wonder woman shirt. :D



a very flattering pencil skirt:



a navy a-line skirt:



i bought the navy version of this too, but i wore it immediately the next day coz it's so cute with my vest. :D



and i love this dress. for once, a tube dress that doesn't make me feel chubby:



AND AND AND!!!

NEL SOLD ME THIS FROM HER SHOP!!!

once i saw it, i was like, 'I WANT.' coz this sort of cut always grabs my attention. and it's so easy to wear, and a just little bit mod. *love*



the back:



details:





IT HAS POCKETS!! XD



it's very flattering on me, and just the right size.

i'm so happy that nel and grid decided to start this side project of selling clothes because THEY HAVE REALLY GREAT TASTE (just take a look at what they wear to church on sundays). and the clothes they brought to show me... there's really something for everyone!

also also! they don't bring in the stuff u see on spree sites WHICH I AM GLAD coz i'm so sick of the same bangkok stuff that everyone is selling for crazy prices. and the quality is better with nel and ingrid. :D:D and they bring in different sizes instead of the free size nonsense that everyone else sells. ugh.

here's their site, which is very new: Notre Secret

"not a secret"?

hahaha. play on words. very nice. btw i think they need more models, so if u weigh an exceptable weight and carry yourself off nicely, please notify me and i will pass on the message. thanks!

XOXO (hoho, how gossip girl-ish)

birthday celebrations part II

I HAD CRABS!!! XD

but in the afternoon, which was kinda weird. my family went to big eater restaurant which was near my place. and it was good and relatively cheap!! :D









crab #1:









crab #2:





the spread:



smile, adrean, smile! :D:D:D

...

OH NEVER MIND THEN.




yep, all this for only $127.

after lunch, my family went their separate ways - my mom and dad to my aunty's place in sengkang, and adrean off to meet his pals for some LAN gaming.

me? off to see alvin's mom's new house!! XD

here's Tierra Vue:









the master bedroom:



view from the master bedroom:



the balcony:



broad view of the kitchen, main door and a bit of the dining room:



kitchen (and alvin's pregnant sister - YAY MORE CHILDREN!! :D):



dining + living room:



corridor to the two other bedrooms (it looks just like my house!!):



view from the balcony:




we're just checking it out, no concrete plans for alvin and i yet. we will probably still get a hdb in the end? not sure.

one thing's for sure - i want a cat. hurhurhur. i've waited 26 years for this already.

after viewing the house, and having some fun with the home security system, we all left for alvin's current place which was 2 bus stops away, and had a lazy afternoon... lazing. watched some backlogged tv shows (sigh, all of the US series i follow have ended their current season. bleurgh.) and mucked around the house... and soon it was dinnertime! then it's time to meet my uni pals!!!

woohoo, let's head down to butter factory.

we were supposed to meet at 930pm, but at 925pm stupid jobyna messaged me and said, 'oops, i'm still at home. coming down soon.'

i gave her quite a scolding when she arrived. -_-

everyone else came on time though... even nel and ingrid, and nel's friend geraldine too! haha, we had quite a blast. geraldine's a very funny girl, and she was wearing a low cut dress that ingrid and i never stopped teasing her about. hehe.

here we are in butter...

nel and i:



er, nel and i:



HAHA STUPID FACE:



shy geraldine:



also, dancing in such a big group was really fun! and the male crowd at butter were a lot more tame (a low number of army boys, thank goodness); i could just glare at them and they'd back off. so guai. :)

ambrose was SO FUNNY because he wasn't really into hiphop... he just stood there and shifted his weight from left to right, then left to right... then left to - OK AMBROSE, LEMME GIVE YOU SOME DANCING LESSONS.

i waved my hands in the air. he followed.

i stepped to the beat. he followed.

i moved my shoulders. he followed.

YAY! QED. but when i stopped he went back to shifting his weight around again. HAHAHAHA!!

dancing with jobyna and serene is always fun coz they dare to move. i think it's the first time i've gone to a club with zhiyue though (since i go what, once a year now?) AND I STEPPED ON HER! poor dear. but she was really game, and just kept moving. :)

geraldine and ingrid were party animals man, and kept trying to pull me on stage. i fought back of course. hahaha, i love them! meanwhile nel was schmoozing, being her social butterfly self, coz quite a number of her friends were at butter that night.

all in all it was a good night; didn't stay late and got home by three coz my feet were killing me. really la, getting a bit too old for this.

the next day i had nursery duties too! oh, children, children... don't run around so much... zzz.

birthday celebrations part I

it all began on friday.

when i reached my workplace, i belatedly realized that i could actually celebrate my birthday tonight with my melville girls by getting that Awfully Chocolate banana cake that i promised them. oh dear... but it's a bit late to order the cake now, isn't it? the 8 inch one normally takes an order 3 days in advance!

i mentally kicked myself... then i decided to call the vivocity branch anyway.

'hello? yes, hi. do you have the 8 inch chocolate banana cake in store today?' *crosses fingers*

'oh normally we don't, BUT SINCE IT'S FATHER'S DAY THIS WEEKEND, YES WE DO!!'

'OH HEY THAT'S GREAT! CAN I COME COLLECT AT 6PM???'

'sure!!'

yay yay yay. i hung up, and happily planned out my cell lesson for the day, intending to surprise them with cake before the lesson, and surprise them with the dance camp cd that i'd compiled when the lesson was over. i was so happy, because i knew my girls LOVED surprises. i even msged them twice to make sure they came on time, and reminded them to bring their bibles and journals (hey, cannot forget about God yeah?).

i rushed down to vivo, reaching there at about 630pm (oops), then rushed back with alvin and cake in tow for dinner at home before cell started at 8pm.

after dinner i checked my phone... there's always either a missed call or a message every week - either one of my girls checking what time i was going to reach melville park, or aileen asking me what songs i was singing, what am i doing tonight, or whether there were enough rooms to hold the 3 groups (my girls, jacqueline's children, and nel's bunch)... etc.

woah. one missed call and one message, both from aileen. better call her back.

'viv!! are u still at home??'

'yes yes, wassup?'

'I NEED HELP. I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO BRING DOWN FOR CHILDREN'S CLUB!!'

'wah! okok, i bring alvin along to help yeah?'

'thanks!!'

so, off alvin and i went. he was complaining of some back pain so i wanted him to take the chocolate cake and hide/rest at the swimming pool while i went to aileen's place to bring down her stuff... but he refused to! argh why so stubborn!! i was giving him the -_- look all the way to aileen's place coz he refused to listen to me.

we arrived at aileen's, and i knocked. aileen shouted something intelligible, but i thought it sounded like 'WAIT!!!' (could've been ARGH!! maybe her cat attacked her?) so i didn't open her front door.

then the front door exploded.

i was stunned, then i realized what was hitting me were party poppers and spray streamers, and 5 of my girls were in aileen's house jumping away excitedly and shouting (not in unison) 'happy birthday jiejie vivien!!!!'

i started to cry, while my mouth was still shaped in a shocked 'O' because i realized... there's no cell group today all this time, aileen was planning this all along!

and her dining table was laden with food that i KNEW they made themselves because ashley and melissa's signature cupcakes were there - 3 TIERS of them, natalie's signature chocolate cereal snacks were there as well - 2 boxes full, and there were brownies and cookies that the parents made. omg the parents chipped in too??!?! i was bawling by then, just by looking at all the effort.





natalie made me cry even more when she said, 'WE MADE A CAKE FOR YOU TOO!!'. it was a cheesecake. THEY ACTUALLY KNOW I LOVE CHEESECAKE!!! T_T



oh yes, jolie and sara ran away and grabbed a huge poster painted (using their fingers and poster paint, hahaha) 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIVIEN!!' and started jumping around with it...

(they were telling me how they enjoyed using their fingers to paint the words out, while i regaled them with my infamous -____- face)



while ashley, melissa and natalie grabbed a thick book and pressed it into my hands. i was so overwhelmed because they made me a SCRAPBOOK.

A SCRAPBOOK!!!!!!!!!!

i had so many questions. how did you do this? when did you start planning? aileen's idea right?

apparently, aileen kick-started the whole thing while i was away in Japan and she took over my cell for that one week. but all she did was give them an idea, THEN THE GIRLS JUST TOOK IT AND RAN ALL THE WAY ON THEIR OWN.

the poster, food, cake, scrapbook, slides (yes, there was a slide presentation later), presents, and the whole surprise party... they handled it, with help from aileen. my goodness, was it a success or what! i'm so proud of my 12 and 13 year olds!!!! *bawl*

then melissa laughed and said, 'everytime you sent us a message to be on time and bring our stuff, i kept laughing!!'

then aileen quipped, 'YAR YAR! they were all so excited, you know! this melissa messaged me while i was at work saying how excited she was, then i also got super excited!!!'

at this point there was so much laughing and crying and talking and 'vivien jie jie, see this/that!!' hahahahaha. *HUGS*

natalie kept insisting - LOOK! OPEN THE SCRAPBOOK!!! SEE THE LAST PAGE TOO!! i was a blubbering mess while flipping through the pages... could hardly see anything... i kept wondering how the heck did they manage to get all these photos of me??? (later in the night, when i looked through the scrapbook and in the midst of crying AGAIN, i realized... facebook.)









































then i reached the 2nd last page, and all the girls wrote messages for me!! awww!! they even called me mummy loon. -_-

















then on the last page... THEY GOT THEIR MOMS TO WRITE MESSAGES AS WELL.



sigh. i cannot take it. their planning... *shakes head*

BRAVO!!!!!

oh they also got some sparkling juice to commemorate the celebration, so i popped one and hit aileen's air-conditioning unit. oops. :P

and very belatedly did i realize that everyone knew - ALVIN (no wonder he refused to leave!!), NEL (who obviously told aileen that the chocolate cake was too small to be shared, when i messaged her that afternoon), JACQUELINE. even COLIN came down to aileen's to be the photographer of the hour. hahaha!!

jolene came a little later, with her brother jerome in tow, and complained that because she was late she missed seeing me cry. i hugged her (a little too exuberantly) and thanked her for the combined scrapbook effort.

then she asked, 'have u seen the slides yet?'

'nope.'

'GOOD!! YOU WILL CRY DURING THE SLIDE SHOW, IT'S VERY NICE. hehe.' -_______-"'

and the slide presentation was very good!! but i didn't cry, much to jolene's disappointment, hahaha.

here's the link:

SMILEBOX CREATIONS

later in the night, nel came up with her 2 boys, and then jacqueline came up with all her entire brood of children (and a few parents, hahaha) who marched into the house, sang happy birthday, shook my hand (AIYOH SO CUTE ALL OF THEM!!) and promptly inverted their plates (they had craft lessons where they used plates to make the head of the lion in Daniel's? David's? story) to collect the goodies that we couldn't finish. SO DARN CUTE LA, I CANNOT TAKE IT.

the party soon winded down and we all left at about 11pm, which was pretty late for my girls.

i am so happy. :D:D:D this is the best birthday party ever.

EVER!!!!!!!!!!

---

behind the scenes: