(A melodic or harmonic configuration that creates a sense of repose or resolution.)
"But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the mercy of God for ever and ever." - Psalms 52:8
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
alrighty!
ok my crazy nights spent in the lab are done... for now.
thanks to all of you who have been praying for me and being so understanding as to why i can't make it for get together dinners and such.
now for the next step in my project... i'm glad it's moving on, but at the same time, i can't help but have a sense of trepidation because everything was done in such a rush... not to mention alvin and i were half awake for the better part of it. (my experiments are always from 12am till 12pm the next day. somehow. and i don't know why.)
in a technical sense, i've been killing off my cells because i need to extract something from them... what if after 2 torturous weeks of culturing and harvesting, i realise by the end of this week i don't have enough, for some reason?
that would be the end of me. and my project. and my fyp. and hence, my grades.
since i stepped back into NUS for the next part in my experiment... BUT THE PARASITES ARE NOT READY. (and neither are we) aiyarrrrrrrrrrrr when is this going to end????? i really, really, don't want to continue on this project if the pay is not sufficient. the whole world is starting on their thesis like, what? two weeks ago? i'm so far away from it, it's not even funny. sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian sian
this song seems as if he's singing it to me, warning me about going down a slippery slope, losing direction and the unravelling of myself. well, myself last year, anyway.
more often than not, when you choose to disobey, life starts falling apart, you stop praying, you drop your arms that used to reach out, you stop believing... and it's a vicious cycle that just keeps pulling you away from God's love.
the parts of me that are reflected in the lyrics is so uncanny that it hurts... it's been a trying 1 year that i'm still trying to get over.
Emotive unstable, you're like an unwinding cable car Listening for voices, but it's the choices that make us who we are Go your own way, even seasons have changed Just burn those new leaves over So self-absorbed You've seemed to ignore the prayers that have already come about
This is the correlation of salvation and love (Don't drop your arms) Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart With quiet words I'll lead you in
Backing away from the problem of pain, you never had a home You've been misguided, you're hiding in shadows for so very long Don't you believe that you've been deceived, that you're no better than... The hair in your eyes, it never disguised what you're really thinking of
This is the correlation of salvation and love (Don't drop your arms) Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart With quiet words I'll lead you in
This is the correlation of salvation and love (Don't drop your arms) Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart With quiet words I'll lead you in
You're so brilliant, don't soon forget You're so brilliant, grace marked your heart You're so brilliant, don't soon forget You're so brilliant, grace marked your heart You're so brilliant (This is the correlation) Don't soon forget (Between salvation and love, don't drop your arms) You're so brilliant (I'll guard your heart) Grace marked your heart (With quiet words I'll lead you in and out of the dark)
La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la (Don't drop your arms) La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la
This is the correlation of salvation and love (La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la) (Don't drop your arms) Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart (La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la) With quiet words I'll lead you in
This is the correlation of salvation and love (La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la) (Don't drop your arms) Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart (La lalalala, la la la, la lala, la) With quiet words I'll lead you in
edit: i have the actual lyrics!! that make so much more sense than the previous. *sigh* so beautiful, the words.
this is the first afternoon i've spent at home. after... how long??? my gosh i can't even remember!
:(
my project is sucking the life out of me. seriously, if i was just running gels or running any normal experiment, i might not be so sapped of strength. but NOOOOOO, i am working on parasites with 48 hour life cycles and guess what?? all my experiments have timepoints.
to the layman: i have to monitor my parasites until they reach a certain stage, only then can i administer a drug, and from then on monitor them every hour or two to see if there are any effects. this actually sounds fine until you realize you have absolutely no control over what time this experiment will start... and i am already predicting my starting time will be at 2am in the morning. which means i end at 12pm the next day. T_T
then before this part can start, i need to synchronise my cultures because there are like, maybe hundreds of them in one flask, and they all grow at different speeds. it just won't do if they're all at mixed stages; i need them all to be growing at the same pace. so there's this thing called a double synchronisation -
we kill off the stages we don't want right after the majority of them are at the starting stage (these young ones will survive, while those at the later stages are killed off). then we kill them off again after 12-18 hours, depending on what we see.
this really sucks because it means i have to stay in school then entire day. e.g. yesterday we started the 1st round at (tries really hard to remember. really trying!!) ... ...
oh yes. at 1130 am. then we waited around until 1230am to kill them off again; i just got home at 630am this morning. T_T
i haven't seen my mom and adrean in 3 days, haven't seen my dad in 5 days (i just saw him when i got up at 330pm), and haven't seen my room in broad daylight for about 4 days plus (i have no idea anymore).
so this is how my hols have been like -
day before CNY: in school from dawn, went to RTC for dinner, then back to school till late night. i missed out on 2 parties: felix who's leaving for australia, and my cousin from australia who was leaving the next day. eh wait. they both might've been on the same flight. hmm...
CNY day 1: in school from day to late evening; by the time i met my relatives i was so tired i was just stoning on the couch watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
CNY day 2: in school from dawn till late night
CNY day 3: in school from dawn till late noon - i actually made it to the council gathering! hurrah.
Wed: in school from dawn till thursday (130am?)
Thurs: in school from day till friday (i missed sending david off. *sigh*)
you might tell me, "don't worry, honours is almost over!!' but no, my prof would like to continue this project. well, i know this will be a good paper if published, and it would really help me, but the time and effort my partner and i put in is incredibly crazy and bloody taxing.
i have decided i will only stay if the money is above a certain amount. and lesser i won't. because this is really teh shits. seriously.
the day when vivien loon is FULL after just one helping at a buffet.
shocking, ain't it? i was quite surprised; came back with my 2nd helping and had a mouthful - and realized that my stomach was already bloated. i ate half that 2nd helping before i gave up trying to eat - my stomach was really hurting from all the stuffing. i was feeling pretty incredulous.
great. i am no longer buffet material. *cries* I LOVE FOOD! I NEED A BIGGER STOMACH!! (or 4)
i blame you. yes, YOU, honors project. i cannot eat well anymore and get stuck at the laminar hood for 4 hours at a go because i need to get results.
i am a very hardworking honors student, i have to say.
oh well, what to do? my stuff keeps dying, and it takes a long time for my cultures to recover.
thank goodness i have power 98 that's playing great songs. been here since 6am, and they've played muse, vertical horizon, breaking benjamin, creed, lenny kravitz and the likes. am enjoying e17 now! i'm so enjoying all my jc songs. :D
'all this time we were alone, guess i should've really known... baby you have always been mine (how far we were apart)...'
ohhh it's mario's 'let me love you'. have u watched the mtv?
i just got a brand new DIY french manicure set - and by that i mean i bought the nail stickers, white and nude separately.
so being me, and dumb, i was looking for something to do while my report was being printed and... ah-ha! why don't i try the manicure now?
...
it's been half an hour since my report's been done and i'm still waiting for the polish to dry - and not to mention it's a very bad job done. but oh, it was so much effort i'm not going to wash everything off just like that.
sian la. still haven't bathe (i managed to eat, somehow, with some very small casualties to the tips) and draw my lousy parasites for the report.
omg i cannot stop gushing about anberlin. i just cannot STOP MYSELF, HELPCH!
it's a beautiful album. it's not just emo/angst/rock out woo-hoo, but they have a nice mix of hard hitting tracks, slow songs and my gosh i love stephen christian's introspective descriptions of himself in situations.
as i listen along, 'Godspeed' makes me rock out, and 'Adelaide' makes it irresistible to sing along and go 'aaaaaadelaide, adelaide!'.
then you get to close your eyes and sift into stephen's world of romance (i imagine cobblestone streets and fog), and my gosh, his lyrics are so beautiful... 'The Unwinding Cable Car' and 'Inevitable' are constantly on repeat right now.
but the best songs are back to back, right at the end of the album. of course there's 'Dismantle.Repair.'. and i remembered, the title of the song came from one of his blog posts. went back to jog my memory a little, yeah, it was his one post about himself. one of those high impact posts (haha, not like mine :p)
'Fin' is pure magic. i get all speechless because i can't describe it. but as a pal says:
"OH MY SIBEI SEI OPERATIC COOLNESS WOWOWOWWOWOWO" hahaha. i love it too. :)
i know why i love this album. coz it's so SAD. it's a depressing album. but then if you know me, you should know i thrive on depressing songs. well ok, not like, 'oh i don't want to live anymore' etc (that's rubbish, really.) but the mood it portrays is so... heartbreakingly sad. and songs like that soothe me somehow, i guess? maybe because i feel the most emotionally rich when i'm sad. this just equates to me being emo.
yay!! i have new conditioner! we ran out like, a week ago, and i'd been surviving on the last few bits from the old bottle, thereby causing extreme hair drying and curling due to the lack of pampering...
but fear no more, my hair!!
for new conditioner has come!!
it says: 'black shine conditioner'... i watched carefully as i squeezed the bottle; i half expected the cream to be black in colour.
haha. (it was white la, very normal.)
mmm. smells NICE. :D
well, this has been a rather lame post from the one girl that is rather free now COZ GOT NO CULTURE!!!!! sianz. zz. zzzzzz. ZZZZZZZZ!!! $&%#%&.
service was so good today. on the way to church, i plugged in my earphones, and prepared myself to meet God. along the way, it just hit me that i feel the need for Him the strongest when i am in the sorriest state.
but then again, sometimes when i'm in a rut, i tend to shut Him out too.
thank goodness, i felt different this time. don't know why, but i just felt at peace, and so secure.
once i stepped into hall 10, i could feel the difference in the atmosphere. i felt love, and it just washed over me. stood during worship, and watched the choir. it was my tribe's turn for choir duty, so it was fun pointing out familiar people to the kids, and watch the people i know worshipping. it's really nice. :)
and then pastor melvyn came on to preach, and his message was 'victory over fear'. it spoke to me, but it felt like it was a me that i had overcome. i can't really explain, but i know yesterday after throwing away my cultures i'd felt defeated. it was not an unfamiliar feeling. it was like everytime when i'd got no results. i guess it was a sort of fear?
but when ps melvyn spoke, today, everything was changed. i was calm, secure, confident, and i know i dread starting over, but only because i am lazy (haha), and not that i fear defeat.
One last glance from a taxi cab Images scar my mind Four weeks felt like years Since your full attention was all mine The night was young and so were we Talked about life, God, death, and your family Didn't want any promises, Just my undivided honesty, and you said
Oh, things are going to change now for the better Oh, things are going to change, oh they're going to change
I am the patron saint of lost causes A fraction of who I once believed (change) It's only a matter of time Opinions I would try and rewrite If life had background music playing your song I've got to be honest, I tried to escape you But the orchestra plays on, and they sang
Oh, things are going to change now for the better And oh, things are going to change
Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through Dismantle me down (repair) You dismantle me You dismantle me
Give me time to prove Prove I want the rest of yours (prelude) Call this a prelude to a lifetime of you It's not that I hang on every word I hang myself on what you repeat It's not that I keep hanging on I'm never letting go
Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through Dismantle me down (repair) You dismantle me You dismantle me
Save me from myself Save me from myself (Help me) Save me from myself Save me from myself
Oh, things are going to change now for the better And oh, things are going to change
Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through Dismantle me down (repair) You dismantle me You dismantle me
i won't put up the song yet, coz i've only got a 96kbps version of it. but wow, at low quality it's already blowing me away... can't wait for the cd version. you can listen to haunting first though. use your earphones!! :D --------->
anberlin's latest album 'cities' got great reviews! so happy for them, yay!
"When discussing the best voices in the scene, Stephen Christian HAS to be brought up. He is, in my opinion, the best singer currently in the scene... Could this be the best album Tooth & Nail releases all year? Damn right, it could. Should major labels be knocking on Anberlin’s door after this release? Damn right, they should."
every single one of my cultures died. all 64 large flasks of them, all of one full week, 10 hours a day of intense labor, and 50ml of blood.
we had a solemn mass discarding ceremony yesterday. it took us 10 hours to culture, 1 hour to check through everything and realize every flask is contaminated, 1 hour to realize it was the blood that was the perpetrator of all evil bacteria, and 2 hours to throw everything away.
the empty incubator makes me feel depressed.
we will be starting over from scratch again tomorrow.
