i have cat eyes.

i'm dyinggg. i stayed up from sunday 8am all the way to monday 1130pm WITHOUT ANY SLEEP.

why?? got test. which was bad planning on my part... and i didn't know it had a weightage of 30%. :(

it was a good paper though (especially for someone that started only on SUNDAY 530pm) but i'm really dying from the lack of sleep. i do think i was suffering from a little narcolepsy yesterday - there're certain empty pockets in my memory... i just cannot remember what i was doing. i only remember stumbling to school at 745am, downing a cup of coffee and going through the entire day perkily.

i don't know how i did it.

and i've only slept for 8 hours............... i need more.................. *blinks*

ok off to do my biotech report (not really DO per ser, but like, amend? alvin! thank you!! T_T)

nanana, nanananana, nanana.

ooh it's kylie!

tagged memory:

the girls and i were sitting around in the student lounge while taking a break from mugging (sort of) for the 'A's. the radio from the student lounge started to play kylie, so i went mad. then out of nowhere jon ong suddenly popped out and went mad too.

'they're playing kylieeeeeeeeee...!!'

then we stopped, stared at each other, and realized we were both rabid fans of this particular kylie tune. so, fan to fan, he asked if i could do any of her steps. i, uh, answered by choosing her hottest step. then i showed it to him. jon looked like this:

:O

he went out of the lounge muttering 'wah that was too hot. hot. *mutter*mutter*'

jc times were so fun! er, but please ah... jon's very much in love with God and so am i. we just like to have fun and were a little wilder last time. just a little bit.

my purrrfect major. mew!

You scored as Theater. You should be a Theater major! Like a bohemian actress, you are seasoned and confident and not afraid to express yourself! Chemistry 100% Theater 100% Journalism 100% Biology 83% Psychology 75% Dance 75% Engineering 75% English 67% Mathematics 50% Linguistics 50% Philosophy 42% Sociology 42% Anthropology 42% Art 33% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

i knew it - i'm a drama mama! and there u go, all this while, i'm actually an arts girl hiding under my geeky lab coat.

teh prettiness.

went to church today with my new 'do and amidst the various responses...

e.g. 'wah ah lian!'; 'nice hair! but don't like the blonde part'; and the best from junliang: 'wah! zoot! the blonde streak damn nice! it's the nicest part!! zoot!' then proceeded to bio my hair throughout service.

there was also one response that came up a few times:

'oh yes! saw your hair already... on your blog.'

people from church actually read my blog??? seriously?! wah i'd better be careful of what i say nowadays hahaha.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(start of blog post)

i saw pretty clouds today.

really! i'm not trying to play safe, but hey, did u see the clouds today?? fluffy and stretched on and on forever. especially when i was on the ECP to expo...
















WAH. teh prettiness! *mesmerized*

edit: it looks as though God's kingdom is just there, and any minute now, the clouds will part, and then... He'll just be there. *anticipation*

oh, and me and nel have like the kawaii look going on, so... GRAND PLAN: dress jap next sunday to service. i'll have to go dig into my wardrobe now.
















and this is how my hair REALLY looks, sans makeup and scary eyes.

sorry nanana

had a thought.

madonna's new album reminds me of kylie. don't you think so?? it's like, they're in the same genre now, in UK, and as greg says 'it's euro trash!!'

wah but i like man. so ah liannn.

diu diu diu!

slog slog slog

funny how i seem to have been slogging for a week, but accomplishing very little.

it must be all the distractions - msn, webcam conversations, late night eternal questions, AND THE HAIR.

nobody likes the blonde streak. *sigh* i went for kids cell yesterday - all of the girls screamed (seriously, i think there's a hairline crack in my ear drum now) but malcolm (he's damn precocious and an absolute funny boy) came into the room and staunchly said, 'i like your hair.' he said it so surely, as if no peer pressure will make him say otherwise.

so cuuuuuuute. *grins*

yeah well. back to work for me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

edit: oh my goodness, do u guys remember the hong kong actor who always acted as jackie chan's superior in The Police Story series? adrean just told me he's passed away. :(

*breathe*

i... like my hair.

but it's pseudo-jap, and they're going to dye my ends tmr.

but they did pick me for a photoshoot next week, so... hmm... and i quite like it...

but it's really drastic. and i'll need to lay off all my eyeliners and play down on my eyes when i put make-up (or i'll really look like one of those 'act jap' pple)

*prays i don't get pimples* (and i need neutral make up)

and i got 3 stamps of approval from 3 guy pals! which makes 100%.

yay?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

from this...



















to this!















stay tuned tomorrow.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

it's the next day already... wanna know what colours i have on my head now?

Red and yellow and pink and green,
Purple and orange and blue,
I can sing SEE a rainbow, (on my head)
Sing See a rainbow, (on my head)
Sing See a rainbow too.

pictures coming right up. after my hair dries.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FREAK ALERT!!

here we go!















yeah i had on A LOT OF MAKEUP. seriously. slap me and get powder on your hands.

*nervous*

well. i'm going for this creative cut thing at kimage later. it's a free cut, plus they're dying my hair ash tmr, and providing free treatment. hmm.

there's a lot of trepidation... i've had my long hair for pretty much the longest time since jc, and most likely a lot of it will be chopped off. well, at least i'll stop playing with my hair at lectures (and not get drawn on my notes so much)

if only everybody didn't tell me i was going to regret it...

will update again at around 6pm.

oh by the way...

hey, why don't u guys give me song suggestions, like the songs in JC that 98.7 kept playing while we were 'studying' in the lib. then i'll put it up on my blog.

alrighty, suggestions please! (and pray i have the song)

photos uploaded...

alright there's the one where we visited candice, the gallery hotel one, and the goodbye david tanzy one.

have fun!

i've been tagged too.

4 jobs you've had in your life

highly paid beaker washer in a cleanroom far far away
selling hot n cold packs shaped like bunnies at NUH
help line assistant at CORS
chem tutor (they both got A1s *gloat*)

4 movies you could watch over and over

bring it on
the little mermaid
you got served
she's all that

4 TV shows you love(d) to watch

arrested development
coupling
alias
FRIENDS

4 places you've lived

clementi
simei
pjc (haha)
weiyi's place?

4 places you've been on vacation to

London
Germany
Hong Kong
Australia

4 places you would rather be

on a plane to somewhere
not in school
in bed
a factory outlet in the US

4 of your favourite foods

pastaaaa
ban mian
sliced fish noodles (+ milk & XO)
ben n jerry's

4 websites you visit daily

my blog
alvin's blog
ebay
yahoo auctions

4 tagged

weiyi
alvin
greg
who else has a blog... ah! jun liang.

i want a car! i want a car! yeah!

yesterday at cell, i was sharing about not going for the franz concert... then junliang frowns and says:

'who's franz ferdinand?? is he very good? or is it a band??'

yes, they are very good. and it's a band.

and just for u jun-y, i got alvin to upload the song onto my blog.

i have loads to tell!

on friday (the day after the concert) alvin walks up to me and...

1. passes me his camera full of photos and videos
2. throws at me a totally geek t-shirt which screams FRANZ FERDINAND (which i absolutely love. i wore it to sleep last night)
3. and adds in a ticket (stub?) with Alex Kapranos' signature on it.

:D

it was a fine, fine day.

on saturday it was a mad rush to the tabernacle with 4 of my kids from the children's club, and then a mad rush to congre... where i bumped into weiyi. of all places! he was squatting there playing risk with his cell at some doorway. and guess what...















we have great fashion sense!

anyways, after congre was (another) mad rush to grab drinks/mixers for the girls at the Gallery Hotel. this is where all the fun begins!

oh but before i get into 'Girls' Night Out' proper, i need to say - i met the weirdest taxi driver. from asking me why i was going to a hotel and insulting my modesty, he suddenly started to talk about ---> his abandoned china wife ---> how his taxi was a gift from the gods ---> he is a god ---> he can control weather/life & death etc ---> where the %&$# is gallery hotel?? ---> he is a god ---> he is a god who doesn't accept money ---> where the %&$# is gallery hotel?? ETC.

the longest 15 minutes in my life.

i blew (not breathed) a puff (not sigh) of relief when i leaped out of the cab. gAAAH. found the girls and whipped out the camera! took a few sober shots first and a few videos. then out came the moet. then malibu. then, screwdriver. then... POKER CARDS FOR THE DRINKING GAME.

it took me 3 cups and i was almost peeing into my shorts and laughing HARD at everything mel said. sometimes she wasn't even saying anything and we were just laughing at each other coz we look so dumb even though we knew how dumb we looked... ah, never mind.

xinwei and angel just sat there.

'why aren't we high? WE SHOULD GET HIGH! (cue: background laughter from me and mel) they're having fun! dang our tolerance!' -angel

then me and mel began to start losing control of our legs and basically kicked everything onto the floor. drinks and mixers. then xinwei and angel decided we should go dance it off. well, i knew i was all jelly already so i didn't want to put on any makeup 'cept for some gloss coz seriously, who can tell in all the darkness?? but noooo, mel insisted i trust her. due to bad judgement and woozy brain, i said ok!

(when going down the lift) xinwei to me: eh. why your face so red???

we actually went to cocco latte to check it out... it was then around 12? cocco was EMPTY. it was really depressing. empty as in us 4, and a couple making out downstairs. sigh. it's quite sad coz me and the girls have had good times there...

ah well! off to a better party spot. we walked down to...

...

MOS. ooh yeaaaah was planning to check it out with the uni bunch on wed, but hey! i get to go there twice in one week then! whoop! i love the place. the main arena is huge. not to mention they were playing the prodigy when i first stepped in.

NICE.

then we went to the retro room - it has colourful squares! wow! i remember doing some retro move that made xinwei roll her eyes. think it was the side-step. but the music was blah (i'm so not a mambo chick... thank goodness.) so we left!

for SMOOVE. and we had to queue for... awhile? though it felt like a really long time. i thought the music was only so-so though. cocco spun better stuff. but hey, i was just happy to hang with my girlies so it was all still good.

we stayed till abt 3 plus and got back to the hotel at 4.

oh!oh! mel is SUCH A HOMOPHOBE CAN? she refuses to stand anywhere where she could see us changing (we only have one loo!) and she's from a girls' school! although i have an idea of where her phobia comes from... and how. and who kinda caused it. (i.e. me)

the eye...

anyways!! i went to sleep with my hair wet and woke up looking like a... a... an idiot. coz one side was sticking UP. i prodded mel awake just to show her how my hair was defying gravity. and then my heel lost a bit of skin at MOS coz my shoes were so tight. and i do think i had a slight hangover when i woke up.

NOT FUN AT ALL. it was only a headache, actually. no puking involved. well, if i was drunk i wouldn't be able to recount events yeah? yeahhh??

then today after service i spent $70 at a shot. but, this is another story...

heeh.

*FLIP-OUT-FLIP-OUT*

ALEX KAPRANOS CALLED ME! HE CALLED ME!!

ok he didn't like, enter my hp number and called me per se, but alvin called me...

THEN PASSED TO PHONE TO HIM!!

ARGHARGHARGH!!

but i couldn't hear him coz of all the background noise, and his thick scottish accent; it took me awhile to realize what was happening, and by the time i did, i was so stunned all i could do was:

:O

apparently he was trying to say, 'Hi, how're you doing?' :)

oh yes, alex kapranos is the lead singer of franz ferdinand (in case u don't know). and alvin n bunch who went for the concert, stood right in front of the stage IN THE MIDDLE...

are rubbing shoulders with them at Hotel Intercontinental now.

you can either regret or rejoice.

stole this from alvin's blog.

i really, really, WANTED to go. and it really took me a lot not to.

and guess what? when i got home, i found out that adrean didn't mind going. if i'd told him i was going, he would've come along...

AND I'D HAVE THE TIME OF MY LIFE.

argh. damn sian now. argh. well, no point already; the concert's over.

(my dad just asked me what happened to the concert i was talking all about in the morning after i read the papers. *sad face*)

a major loophole.

i was kinda hoping that i wouldn't have to be reminded it's Valentine's Day... and so i thought, hey, staying at home may not be such a bad idea!

but i forgot someone...

MY MOM.

during dinner:

*chompchompchomp*
mom: "OH YA! (so fake...) today's qing ren jie! eh...

NO DATE AH?"

she's how evil?????!!

let me tell u a story...

i'm stuck at home studying for a test. though i don't have a date, i was actually invited to a singles party! ok, maybe not so much of a 'party'... but. never mind. i cannot go.

so i'm at home, all saturated and unthinking, so i decided to unwind here.


the couple were going home after the school celebration of 'Friendship Day' (coz the principal's really uptight about calling it 'Valentine's Day' - as if calling it as such will result in loads of abortions the next month)

so as they were walking to the interchange, the girl turns and says, 'hey, so, some junior gave you something eh? *jibe*jibe* so what is it?'

the guy gets all red-faced (he's a blusher) and stammers, 'huh? what, IT'S NOTHING LA. she just... just... er.'

'likes you? a lot??'

'no la... why ask? are u jealous?'

'WHAT? ME?! NO. NOOOO. (you see, the fact that she was speaking so loudly gave her away.) uh, anyway, lemme see what she gave u.'

the boy reluctantly takes the box out and passes it to the girl. however, the girl, being the world's supremely biggest butter-fingers, opens the box the wrong way around... and drops the bottle of stars.

*shatter*

boy: *gasp* 'i knew it! you're JEALOUS!'

and the girl dies of mortification. i swear, it wasn't done on purpose. really.

musing aloud.

... is similar, or opposite, better?

shouldn't be even thinking about this, but my mind runs wild and haphazard everytime i try to study.

well, if u can get this, i really applaud you.

hectic 3 days.

on wednesday i was thinking, hey, great, my lab report's not due next week, which means i have time to study for the 2202 test (30% leh, dieeee)

i was so wrong. had so many activities going on, not only did i not have time to study, i'm super tired out now. well, but it was great fun. ok, lemme update:

---------------------------------------------------------------------

THURSDAY:

remember the job offer from kelda? ok the scope of the job was to bring jap kids who're on tour around singapore for 2.5 hours. and get paid a lot at the end of it. so i went around with kel's 5 girls (i got 4 boys; one was very cute, and me and kel kept bio-ing him) to little india, and then walked to bugis where everything was closed. (dang) i reckoned my boys didn't like me much coz they were so sullen (kel's girls saw us and went, 'ah! kawaiiiiii!!' immediately our hearts melted.) until the end when they came over and said 'tunk yoo.' and bowed. awww.

then i proceeded to take my cash to buy another abercrombie skirt on sale. it's so pretty!!!! ok, NEXXXXT...

FRIDAY:

i love fridays, coz i get to see the girls after my lecture. and me and alvin actually finished class earlier than them, yay! (i have biotech, alvin has protein, the girls plus bob n greg have physics in the life science. i know, boring info.) so we all came together and spent the whole day in the canteen. then we went to disturb alvin and ask for treats coz he was manning a booth for the science club. they had rochor rd beancurd!! but only the warm one. boooo. and fondue!! check it out:





























yep, we love chocolate.

then during kids cell we had the Amazing Melville Park Race. great fun, but only 2 teams, so i have an overload of prizes at my place now. and while waiting for the teams to come over to my station, i had to tolerate really bad warbling from some karaoke-ing fella somewhere. grr.

SATURDAY:

there was a prayer meeting in the day, so aileen and i arrived pretty late for the 'SC meeting @ David's'. when we arrived, they were playing the water game. (thanks gdness we were late.)and then we had david's mom's dessert, then we 'lou hei'-ed! from sakae sushi somemore.

it was a mess. then we settled down, and started this 'let's go around in a circle and update'. when it reached chaang ru, we were all 'eh, cheerleader, show us some of your stuff!' then, i can't remember how, he ended up propelling me into the air.

i kid u not. it was HILARIOUS. i have a video of it. teehee.

hmm, what else? well we just basically had A LOT OF FUN. and took 1001 photos and videos. and we actually redid our 'p p p' cheer (yes, incl david's finale.) heh.

alrighty, off to church! and then to study like SIOW. be back after the 15th.

here're the photos: http://vivienloon.multiply.com/photos/album/58

here's to the birthday girls...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEL N INGRID!!

here's your photo album of your celebration:
http://vivienloon.multiply.com/photos/album/57

----------------------------------------------------------------

i'm not going to Franz Ferdinand. again.

for reasons such as, i can't skip my lecture next week just to go work for some cash just FOR the concert. it's just not good to skip class, yes?

la-di-da.

ok testimony time again!

God is fantastic. yesterday i was whining thinking about how the franz ferdinand concert's coming next week and i have NO CASH to go. it's been going through my mind over and over 'they'll never come back again, they'll never ever come back again, this is the only chance etc'.

so i was quite sad. and all :(

then! all in the space of 3 hours:

1. alvin hinted he might be able to help (i rejected coz he's not exactly very rich)
2. nel offered me some of her birthday money (how can??! of course i didn't take it)

and the best -

3. kel msned me in the middle of the night to offer me a job. that's gonna pay just enough!!

like woah, i didn't even voice out anything (except to alvin la, coz i kept whining) and nel suddenly offered.

I'M GOING!

baby, i need you tonight.

my laptop's detained at the computer centre. if they decide i can only take it back tomorrow... i'm dead. can't do my work till tmr! and there's nothing to watch tonight anyway. :(

i really needed the com centre guys to help me rush the reparations, so i dazzled them with my smile... then proceeded to dumbfound them with my ignorance to computers.

i do think i left them dazed.

well, rushed out my report in 2 hours (thank you, alvin, thank you thank you thank you) and am going to check on my laptop, go to arts to do somemore work, meet ingrid at fong seng for dinner, then to NUH to visit can-can. i really pray she'll heal fast and well.

all these in the next 1 hour.

superwoman!!

i think this is my 1st meme here.

(i got this off jon's blog)

The idea is to think of 20 random names, off the top of your head and in no particular order. Then answer the questions about those people according to their numbers.

alrighty!

1. xuxu
2. david tan
3. aileen
4. kelda
5. peter khoo
6. jon ong
7. alvin
8. greg
9. bob
10. yy
11. serene
12. ann
13. jo
14. mel
15. xinwei
16. angel
17. angee
18. junliang
19. nel
20. ingrid

How did you first meet 13?
in nus. she was LOUD. and my cgs junior so naturally we hit it off.

What would you do if you had never met 5?
i wouldn't have accepted Christ and would proceed to waste my life away as a social butterfly that only cared about flirting with boys. ;)

What do you honestly think of 10?
she's extremely fragile, but strong at the same time. and she has one of the most unique personalities i've known so far. you just can't classify her.

Would 19 and 20 go out?
yeah, to go shopping and buy truckloads of stuff. from sales. and from nine west.

Have you ever liked 9?
GAH!! NO!!

If number 1 dies tomorrow, what is the one thing you need the person to know?
i'm sorry. i'm really really sorry. for everything. then i'd cry. then in mid cry i'd laugh and gloat and say that i was right in 'everything is possible and God might just make us wait really long'.
oh, and i'll see u in Heaven, baby!

Would 2 and 11 make a good couple?
NO. it'll be like a chicken talking to a duck.

Who is 16 going out with?
dennis! the lit babe and... beng.

Describe 7 in 3 words:
HAHAHA!! *revenge* smelly, smart, sniffly.

Do you think 2 is hot?
oh, yes! *fans myself*

Would 1 and 17 make a good couple?
eh cannot ask me this kinda question one. duh, i'd say no!

What do you think of when you see 8?
a bright yellow ah gua qia.

What's 20's fave colour?
black. she's always in black.

On a scale of 1-10, how cute is 15?
wah lau hot chick... who can fight?? TENNNNNNNN.

What would you do if 4 confessed his/her undying love for you?
ask her what's gonna happen to peter? and then pray for her. (hahaha)

What language does 19 speak?
a shopaholic's language. and some english here and there.

Who is 14 going out with?
no one yet... but, someone SOON. i think.

Is 19 a boy or girl?
girl. confirm. she flashed me so many times i have absolutely no doubt. 'my eyes....!!'

Would 18 and 4 make a good couple?
hmm. they might coz they're good friends, but only if 4 can take her eyes off someone else first. (hahaha)

What year is 17 in?
year 2000. she's still partying.

When was the last time u talked to 12?
yesterday in the science canteen!

What is 6's fave band?
haha, the planetshakers!

Does 14 have any siblings?
yuppers, one bro. who's 6 years younger. (right?)

Would you ever date 3?
noooo she's a she! i'm not like into strange stuff like that k. i know i kiss girls but that's beside the point!

Is 15 single?
no, she has paul.

Have you ever taken advantage of 11 while he or she had passed out?
*puke* NO LA!

If 13 and 6 were forced to fight to the death, who would you put your money on?
wow, the 2 Js. my money's on jo coz she's got killer nails. and jon's too gentlemanly to hit a girl, whereas jo won't give a flying crap. yeah, she'd beat him to pulp alright.

Who will age better: 2 or 5?
2? sorry petey, but david does have better skin. and i heard u take kel's soap to wash your face... *sigh*

If you had to kill one person on your list, for the good of mankind, who would you kill?
15. coz if she keeps continuing to buy clothes in such epic proportions, there'd be none left for me. AND WE'RE THE SAME SIZE (though she's 5 heads taller).

this was fun! and i really need to do my work now. :p

yin yang.

weiyi:
eh u dere loony?
weiyi:
i've decided to call you loony from now
weiyi:
coz vivien is weird
weiyi:
HELLO ARE YOU THERE hehe kidding. im goin makan abit first. BRB (H)
Ms. Meow (@) salvation is here... and He lives in me!:
xuxu
Ms. Meow (@): salvation is here... and He lives in me!:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

yeah we talk on msn. no biggie, yes?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's so weird. i'm sitting in my room, blasting my Christian mp3 folder on my laptop... and my parents are praying with the full works (altar + offerings + joss sticks) outside.

:(


edit: it's raining - my parents can't go downstairs to burn stuff. i think it's a sign.

i am bored, lah.

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so. A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

well, well, well...

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming. Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for: your touch Your dominant state: changing

What Type of Weather Are You?

come, lemme touch ya!

You Are a Hunter Soul

You are driven and ambitious - totally self motiviated to succeed Actively working to acheive what you want, you are skillful in many areas. You are a natural predator with strong instincts ... and more than a little demanding. You are creative, energetic, and an extremely powerful force. An outdoors person, you like animals and relate to them better than people. You tend to have an explosive personality, but also a good sense of humor. People sometimes see you as arrogant or a know it all. You tend to be a bit of a loner, though you hate to be alone. Souls you are most compatible with: Seeker Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

10 more days.

i don't like valentine's day.

i don't really think i've ever celebrated it before; either i had no-one, or if i had someone, we'll just refuse to conform and celebrate it like other couples do. (and everything's so bloody expensive)

the result? watching other couples. MANY other couples. they'd be everywhere! you just cannot avoid them... in school, on the train, on the bus, on the roads etc.

my game plan? i have school (dang) for like, 1 hour? ok, so either i skip school (which i might even if it wasn't the 14th of feb, coz it's stupid to travel back and forth for 3 hours for a 1 hour lesson.) or i wear blinders. or make a dash for class and dash back home.

i still think staying at home is best. (so i don't sprain my ankle amidst the flurry... but what if there're couples at the hospital too??? *a scene from scrubs pops into my mind*)

i am so dreading this. and regretting the times we never did even meet up on v day.

photos again!

yay my cny 2006 photos are UP! wish i could put up my videos too, but the file's too big. ah well. and i'm lazy to upload too.

http://vivienloon.multiply.com/photos/album/56

alright time for my beddd. will be sleeping till i feel like waking up. no-one disturbing please, or i shall be foul.

i hate being hungry.

me: mummy, i had a late lunch so don't cook too much rice later k?
mum: okay.

(dinnertime)

mum: eh, er... did u say u were eating? coz not enough rice leh. only left just nice for your brother. even if i cook more rice, there's er... not enough dishes.
me: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

my stomach's now chewing itself to stave off the hunger. *growl*

family?

well, back to school.

the work's really piling up now that's it's the 4th week. i am beginning to drown, watch out! many tests are flooding in... (and i'm only taking 4 modules. can die already!)

i don't know how i'm gonna survive 4th year.

aiyah, still in the holiday mood. was watching 'honey' on hbo (finally.) and i think... i don't want the dvd after all. (there u go, breathe your sigh of relief) it was good to watch it again though the tv gave me a headache. think i'll skip scrubs and actually finish up planning for children's cell.

at the leader's meeting yesterday, everything was unexpected. i thought it was just for the people in the same network as me, but no, it was for all youthnet leaders! and of course, i was looking out for... xxx. (i swear, my neck's getting longer)

ANYWAY! even the message was odd. there wasn't really a full blown message (a la mini-service?) but it was more like a short message + knowing how the leaders in the church are repositioning. to put it simply, 2 pastors stepped down (nooooo handsome pastor... + wife) and 2 others stepped up to complete the 12.

one thing i noted was pastor julie saying that there's absolutely no need to explain the repositioning to anyone, and WHY the 2 pastors were stepping down... simply because it really doesn't concern us. it caught my attention because right then, running through my mind was 'woah, why they step down, did they do something disgraceful, is it disciplinary action etc'

if pastor julie hadn't said that, i'm sure there would've been a flurry of discussion and gossiping. which is, of course, not good. and i can think of plenty of occasions when something big happened in church and everyone started to question and question, then start gossiping... and eventually the poison spread. even into cell groups. my cell group.

but that's another story i'm not willing to share, coz then it'd be gossiping. what to do, what to do...

anyway, i thought the whole repositioning 'ceremony' went well; as a church we prayed for the 4 pastors who were stepping down/up. i can't remember what exactly was said, but i know my mind wandered into thinking that, hey, this is my family. and so is my cell.

ok i've reached a block. will continue writing when i find my point backkk.

(2 minutes later)

you know, one thing about family is that while u love the people, sometimes when something goes wrong u need to tell them, and maybe scold them. i guess in my cell, it's one thing we lack. we have the ability to have fun, and spend a good time together, but i guess it's superficial coz there're only 2 people in my cell (amongst the 10 of us) i know if i have a problem with them, i can tell them. i used to have 3, but... never mind.

well, i don't know why i just typed what i did, but my heart feels a little heavy now.

sometimes i just want to have all the time in the world to sort out all the problems with me, with my friends, with my family, and spend the rest of my life just caring for people, being able to make it for outings with ALL my friends and doing things that made people around me happy. and blessed.

but somehow i can't. i can't find the time, i can't find the energy... i just can't.

ARGH. i feel like i'm all alone sometimes. especially after december. but i guess this has to happen or i'd never learn to stand up on my own two feet and deal with it.

kampateh. (haha, private joke.)

well, time for some counselling.